i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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