I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
