thus making me awesome and them whores
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
