I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
