could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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