I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The uberlube is also flammable
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
