He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
