I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
