T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
