my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
