the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize