A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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