Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize