We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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