Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
