dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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