ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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