No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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