and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
