He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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