Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
