I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
