I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
