i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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