Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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