I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
