listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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