It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
