I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
