I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
