he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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