Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
