There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
