Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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