Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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