maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
