yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
