i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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