I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize