Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
