So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
