Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
