I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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