i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
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Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
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I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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