wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
