Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I deserve this hangover.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
