So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
We got so high we made milksteak
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
