I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
