So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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