the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
FUCK WHALES
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
