yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
