Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
