The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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