first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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