i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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