I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
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she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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