she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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