i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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